A potpourri of tangents



And another one bites the dust.

Armenian Barbie Botox needs to take a page out of baby sister Kloe a.k.a. Kween K's book on how to choose the right marriage partner in the glitz and glam of Hellwood. But maybe she wasn't looking for that; just someone new to exploit and make a crapload of money in the process.

While I never cared much for the more popular, butt-acious middle sister, I didn't particularly despise her either. I almost felt sorry for her because it seemed like she was followed all day, everyday by unwanted cameras and eyes. But how silly of me! She wants nothing more but all the cameras and all the eyes because they somehow bring her all the money. Who needs dignity, pride, or integrity when you got enough green to fill your head.

Onto the actual real world reality though. My life has been full of mini-dramas these days, so let's switch it up and use bullet format, yeah!

• Bachelor Uno and I had a good time on our first date and we've been e-mailing since then. He's cute, smart, nice, and totally relatable. We're supposed to go out and do something together tomorrow. If things continue and go well, we could actually be a good match.
• Bachelor Dos and I have been on three dates. Our correspondence started out with really deep and thoughtful e-mails, which resulted in him breaking ties with his then-current lady (who he'd been seeing for about a month so it was still casual and, according to him, rocky from the start) and asking me out. He's worldy and intelligent in his own way (meaning: without a higher education), is a great cook, and adores animals and cats in particular... But I'm not feeling "the feeling" with him and I don't see anything for us long term. We haven't talked about "us" or anything, but from his actions and words I can tell that he's totally digging me. I let him kiss me goodnight after he walked me to my car in the cold last night (just some harmless closed-mouth pecks), and while they were good kisses, I probably shouldn't allow it to go any further if I'm already feeling like it's not going to work. He sent me an e-mail this afternoon since my phone hasn't been working the past few days and said some of the sweetest things... I don't think a guy I've dated has ever said such sweet things to me.
• Rege slyly de-friended me off Facebook. What the fuck, right? What a passive aggressive dickhole! I really didn't see any reason for him to actively do that. We hadn't talked in weeks and I only stalk his profile from a secret distance like any normal person--Never have I commented publicly on anything related to him. My friend thinks that his girlfriend found out about me, but I really don't see that. I think his ego was feeling extra big that day and he thought that I wouldn't be able to handle him changing his dusty old profile picture to a fresh one of him and his blonde babe in Halloween gear. If he were all that smart or sensitive, maybe he should've thought of doing this before pictures of the happy couple had been posted frequently enough for me to feel thoroughly entertained with judgement for months! I admit that I had a mild panic attack so I sent a friendly (albeit inwardly laced with rat poison) text the day I discovered this, and he had no problem what-so-ever texting me throughout the day and night. He seems to want to meet up again and I might follow through, if only to confront him about his socially very rude and unnecessary behavior.
• I know I owe you the juicy bits of my last encounter with Dr. Shark, but as you can see, it's been quite a busy week! Haven't talked to him since then though. The naive girl-child in me wants to believe that he's tried to text while my phone has been out of commission and might be curious/pissed/even concerned that he hasn't heard back from me, but in reality, he probably hasn't even tried to contact me therefore hasn't noticed my absence. Sigh.

Well. I'd decided to bullet my stories in order to make this post as short and sweet as possible, but it looks like I've lost that battle! Hopefully it's accomplished satisfying anyone's twisted curiosity into my twisted little life for now.

Happy birthday.

And in all honesty... When I turned my phone back on, I was actually hoping for a text from J(erk).

My birthday had passed a few days before and I know that he knows that. My last birthday was spent in his arms. I also know that it's been about nine months since he ripped himself away from my life, and most of this time I'd spent hating him.

But I was hoping for him to use this one day out all the days to reach out and reconcile. It's asking too much of him since I know him to be one of the most stubborn, prideful men... But if he had any ounce of kindness in him, I was hoping he could use some on me for once.

I'm so tired of hating him.

Mind games.

You can always count on a guy to surprise you with his presence the very hot second you forcibly push him out of your mind and cease counting on him in general. If Dane Cook is allowed to call the entire female gender "brain ninjas," then I'm going to call the male gender "brain peeping-tom turned rapists." They wait and watch in the crevices of your mind until all traces of them disappear... and then they totally ambush you in your sleep or while you're in the shower.

Metaphorically.

Not saying that Dr. Shark hasn't been on my mind... He's been almost constantly on my mind for the past three months. But even I can recognize an obsession when it starts showing its ugly medusa head, so I'm making an active, conscious effort to only allot myself a certain amount of Dr. Shark thoughts each day. A brink-of-crazy girl's gotta do what a brink-of-crazy girl's gotta do!

He did call me as I was going to bed the night of my last post, just to say hello and to make sure I wasn't feeling ignored (which had been a consistent complaint of mine to him). He was tired after a long day and didn't have much to talk about, but I appreciated his effort. He also flirted with me a little bit by coyly and mischeviously saying that "a certain woman" makes him feel energized. That little, seemingly insignificant comment held me over from not hearing from him again till this afternoon.

He's spending the holiday weekend in another state for a friend's wedding, so he called me as he began his road trip alone. Again, he didn't have anything real particular to say, but just wanted to let me know that he was headed out and that he'll call me again on his way back in a few days.

It seems that Dr. Shark is "checking in" with me these days, doesn't it? And isn't that what a boyfriend or boyfriend-like-figure would do? And if it is, what does that mean for us? I just know that when Ace explained his pathetic reasons for not wanting a girlfriend, one of his main commitment turn-offs was having to "check in" everyday.

I'm sorry--I didn't think I was a hotel concierge but a person with whom you actually want to speak with on a semi-daily basis, if not to hear about my day but to at least hear my voice.

Boys are so weird.

Whatever is going on in his head though, I'm happy to hear his voice more often these days than ever. (Usually he texts. Don't even get me started on the foul form of communication that is the text message. Seriously. I will write a monster blog about it one day.) So happy in fact that after we hung up, I texted him to wish him a happy good time with his friends and an actual "I miss you." Yes, yes, with those three words I tore off some of my own power... But I've always been a girl who prioritized love and sex over power any day of the week!

A few minutes later my phone showed an "I miss you too!" Word for word, including the exclamation point, I swear. Boys don't seem to be much for punctuation in any written part of their lives aside from the office, so me being the over-analytical and eternally hopeful girl child I am, I am totally in love with that exclamation point.

(Also, received a text from Ace today. He wished me a good weekend and wanted to say that he had a good time with me earlier this week. No response will be sent.)