Friday, December 2, 2011
The Stones lied: Time's not on my side
At the present moment, I am a part of Dr. Shark's life, but I most likely won't be in his future at all. While my own future is unknown in every possible way--Professional, romantic, even location-wise--His immediate future is pretty set. That's what having a baby does.
He did reveal to me a bit of his very sordid and twisted past. As young of a guy as he is, and as many "serious" relationships he claims to have been in, his magic number is admittedly high. He's done everything from sleeping with married women, pushing the boundaries of his heterosexuality, being the player of other couples' sick fantasies, and yes--He's even been in a threesome. I hope that doesn't come off as judgemental on my part, but the last one came as a surprise to me simply because he's expressed to me many times how a huge sexual fantasy of his is to have a three-way, especially with me.
I guess he meant he wants two hot ladies to be with simutaneously as opposed to being the guest star for another couple, but still! There were three people present, interacting with each other sexually, so that's a fucking threesome.
He says he's calmed down over the years because of his profession and just generally growing older. I have been his latest sexscapade but I'm surely not his last. I've realized that men don't change... won't change... And while he's great in many aspects, I don't think I'll ever be able to trust him. He defended his actions very rationally, saying that he likes to try new things and be adventurous just to know what it feels like, not to brag or boast about his conquests. Some things work out, other things don't. At least he can keep a mental checklist on what he likes and what he doesn't. I'm fine with all that since I've proven to be flexible (both literally and metaphorically!) and adventurous in the sack as well, but I guess my sensitivity with Dr. Shark has grown pretty high over the months.
Despite it all though, and despite his own concession that he's "not marriage material," I find myself still as in love with him as ever. I know that our futures will never line up and that knowledge is slowly breaking my heart, but I'm holding tight to our limited present. Time in general is precious, but time with Dr. Shark I am addicted to.