"[Sketching] made me see people again, and that made the hurt of Robert lessen a little, this feeling that I was one among many and that those other people--with their different jackets and glasses and variously shaped and colored eyes--all had had their Roberts, their incredible disasters, their pleasures and regrets. I tried to put pleasure and regret into my sketches of them. Some of them liked being sketched and smiled sideways at me.
Those mornings made it easier, in a small way, for me to accept that I was alone and didn't want to look at other men, although perhaps that would wear off eventually. After about a hundred years."
--The Swan Thieves by Elizabeth Kostova, p.296
While reading this book, I really connected with this one character: A young female art student who fell hopelessly for her professor who was married at the time and was struggling through his own demons. She was unsure of her lot in life, she wasn't expecting much out of other people, but their paths crossed and sometimes "it" (the surprising, illogical, irrational "thing") happens. Neither of them were bad people (although, if I had to choose one antagonist, it'd be HIM!), but the timing in their lives weren't in line for them together in the long haul and his situation wouldn't allow to keep her in his life.
This excerpt really speaks to me. As much as everyday is a struggle (for instance, this whole weekend I basically didn't leave the safety of my own couch let alone my house), it really does help to think that I'm not alone. And like this character, being creative keeps me from doing anything outlandish and stupid.
However, also like her, I can't imagine myself with any other man right now. Until our story finishes completely, I can't feel about anyone else than him.
No comments:
Post a Comment