Had a brutally--almost painfully--honest conversation with Dr. Shark last night. We were supposed to hang out but while texting me throughout the day it was becoming clear that he just wasn't in the mood to really socialize. He had a shitty day, I had a shitty day. But I still wanted to see him... so understandably, I was miffed, disappointed, and upset.
I asked him some pretty difficult questions when we were on the phone with one another later in the evening, after I had talked myself off the ledge (it wasn't solely because of the boy; there are some other struggles in my life right now).
Topics we covered:
- Remind me again why you're so opposed to relationships?
- What comes to mind when you think of me?
- If I were to try to end things... Would you let me go or would you try to keep me in your life?
- Would you ever get back together with your ex-girlfriend?
And yes, some of his responses felt like daggers to the heart.
I should flee, I really should. I'm hyper-emotional and he's the complete opposite, and we both know that it's becoming an issue of him unintentionally hurting me. He says that he only makes choices based on logic, not emotion, and that he knows that it bothers most people in his life. Maybe I could bring myself to believe him a little bit if I hadn't slept with another self-proclaimed "logics only" guy who was in the process of getting married. Why go through the crazy circus process of a wedding and vowing eternal love and devotion to another human being if you only think logically? These days, especially, I don't see much reason in getting married.
Because I like Dr. Shark so damn much, I have to trust him to tell me the truth. But I can't help thinking, just the teeniest bit, that all he spews is bullshit... just like every other guy I've known.
He said that what we have is what he wants right now but he doesn't think what we have is good for me, which I totally agree with. Lately, I feel more hurt than happy with him, and after J(erk) I told myself that whenever and if-ever it gets to this point with a man I would remove myself from the situtation.
Easier said than done, says present-day me!
Well, let's see if Dr. S follows through with coming up to see me today and then let's figure things out. If he cancels on me again... Prepare to follow a very messy murder investigation on the news. (Just kidding... Evidence would be so well-hidden, no one would be the wiser. Hehe)